Our heroine is lost. When she took charge of the keys to the mini-van many years ago, she didn’t realize that there was an “autopilot” built in, that she wasn’t going to be in charge of her destination, that she would end up lost in the forest of Motherhood.
The forest was enticing and glowing at first, full of giggles and kisses and “I love you’s”. Full of beauty and hope, of fun-loving critters playing all about. But, as the years went by, the forest grew thick with vines, choking out the laughter and the light. It was full of unknown fears and obscure pathways.
Our heroine is lost in this forest now. She can’t see beyond the tangle. She doesn’t remember the way out. Nothing is familiar.
It’s getting dark now and panic is setting in. She hears unfamiliar noises all about her and she begins to feel afraid. As the dark envelops her, this fear grows. Soon, she is blinded by the darkness and her own fear, unable to connect with her inner knowing, her deep faith, her innate hopefulness.
Her heart is in her throat and her stomach feels like it could drop through her to the forest floor. She wants to run, but her legs have turned to lead. Adrenaline courses through her body causing every last nerve ending to sizzle and fizzle until each and every one is spent.
Eventually, she collapses to the hard, cold ground unable to function, incapable of conscious thought. She has nothing left, she is an empty shell, she prepares to surrender.
As our heroine allows herself to surrender, to let go, to stop trying to control her reality…
She sees a light. At first it’s the tiniest speck of light far off in the distance, almost imperceptible. She focuses in on the light, not sure if she can trust it, not daring to believe it’s real.
The light grows brighter and appears to be coming closer. She dares to hope, to believe. To trust.
In the space that has become deafeningly silent, she hears the flutter of tiny wings and sees that the light is coming from a delicate and shimmering fairy. As the fairy approaches, our heroine feels a sense of warmth and well-being. The fairy reminds her to breathe, to remember her knowing, to calm her nervous system so she can think clearly and escape from this darkness. She reminds our heroine that she is capable, that she can do hard things, that she is a survivor.
As our heroine gazes at the mesmerizing light, she remembers that she herself has the power to change her reality. As she connects with her breath, she feels her heartbeat slowing and her breath deepening and realizes she has been holding her breath and tensing her muscles. Her neck and shoulders are sore and her fists, fingers, and legs ache from clenching, from straining.
A nearly forgotten feeling of softness and relaxation develop as she allows herself to fall into the soft grass. Sleep comes easily and our heroine drifts into a dream state that lifts her spirit and heals her soul.
When she awakens, our heroine notices the beauty all around her. The vines have receded, the sun is warm and bright, and the forest is once again inviting and full of light. She feels safe and nurtured. She feels held and supported. Supported by the beauty. Supported by nature.
The ground is soft beneath her feet and wild poppies beckon her to follow them. Instinctively she follows the poppies that grow before her eyes into a path that leads her through the forest and back to her mini-van. She remembers to trust her intuition.
Our heroine is free. As she heads towards home, she reminds herself to hold on to herself, to her inner knowing. She knows she is strong, that she can do hard things. She expresses gratitude for her body, her spirit, her strength, her courage. For darkness and for light.
She breathes slowly and steadily and knows she is safe.
This is just a story, but it could be your story of losing and then finding yourself once again.
Join us at the Lost in Motherhood community where there’s always a fairy godmother on hand and many friends to help you find the way to the sweet field of cheerful poppies!